When She Found Me

I look out at the Atlantic.

This is my view, everywhere I turn.

I see it in my waking hour and something in there reminds me that…

As much as I’d like to imagine my ancestors, many of whom were thrown to the bottom

On their forced vacation to this paradise, rose…

They sank.

Only to live on in me.

I step into the Atlantic.

As the sunbeams on my silver crown

Creating a brighter more luminous dramatic expression and I step…

Wondering how long bones take to erode…

To turn to sand. I don’t like how that thought feels under my feet so

I float

I look up at God

I wonder if she sees me.

I let my ears submerge and

All I can hear is an ultrasound of

My own heartbeat.

Btoom

Btoom

Btoom

I let myself doze

Comforted by the hell of bones beneath me.

My body buoyant and

Beautiful and

Black.

This is home now.

Home.

I don’t know another home that isn’t deeply woven into

My consciousness

I open my eyes

The bright sun has been replaced by

An even brighter moon.

It is silent

And dark. I have no idea how long I’ve been floating

In this huge amniotic Atlantic…

STAND!

Stand up!

Stand Tall.

Stand.

I flip

Vertical.

My feet search for sand, yet

I only feel the pulse of the water between my toes.

The beachgoers…gone

The beach itself…vanished

I am one with the moon.

The darkness envelops me.

My fear.

My folly.

My pride.

My instinct.

Relinquished.

I lay back again

Buoyed by my belly.

I float and then

I sink.

God is down here too.

She holds me and 

I am born anew. 

Growing up between Toronto, Canada, and the Caribbean, Kija Gray was exposed to world travel and change at an early age. She internalized the values of living and depending on her extended family and community as an intergenerational resource. This defining time in her life became the cornerstone for every facet of her work, life and passion. Since her children flew the coup, Kija and her partner have started to explore many of the passions that they set aside to focus on their family. For Kija, this has meant reconnecting to her writing, reigniting her love of the spoken word, exploring nature  in their RV, and returning to a place she calls home: St, Vincent and the Grenadines,

This piece, When She Found Me, was written during a writing workshop hosted by D’Angelus Garcia Bey and Riverwise Magazine. It captures a recurring dream and theme she visits often in her work of rebirth, renewal, and returning home.  

You can find Kija on IG @OpenlyGray and on Facebook @kijagray.